BLACKOUT: Let me take you there.

For years, collapsing has not been a new experience to me. It’s either I am excessively tired and stressed by which I lack respectable hours of trip to dreamland, or have a massive migraine attack or I am way too hungry for the last 12 hours. In my recent case, it was caused by an acid peptic disease and low blood pressure possibly brought about by my diet plan of skipping dinner after gym. (Side comment: I hate noisy motorcycles strutting down their douche bag jumbo mufflers. However, I love to do my writing in our terrace…so say hello to my middle finger.) Anyway, the reason why I am writing about this is because I want to share what really happens during a blackout. Medically, it’s serious and should always be given immediate attention.

Makati Medical Center E.R. Admission_04182012.

But while everybody panics and is at their most hysterical state, I am actually bored.

It’s a dark world. Lucky if I hear any noise while I am “away”. I can’t move but it doesn’t scare me. If you have ever tried staring blankly and found pleasure in it, then you know what I am talking about. In other cases, it’s irritating….why? Because all I see is static. It’s like turning on the TV and staying tuned even if all the stations have already signed off. Stupid, isn’t it? Maybe because I have also “signed off”. (I wonder whose engineering license numbers were shown during credits.) What makes it worse is its lingering sound that makes you want to open your eyes and “be back” on earth.

YES. It looks exactly like this while you think I'm dying.

Sometimes, I can hear everything that the people around me are saying…. problem is, I can’t open my eyes. I can’t react. Moreover, I am actually wondering what I look like lying down, completely motionless. (Side comment: There goes that motorcycle again. I’d probably be writing about murder in the next few hours.)

Blackouts for me are semi out-of-body experiences that give you anonymity, weightlessness and recklessness. It’s a mirage with no dimensions, an empty space that requires no action even if you want to lift your pinky or open your mouth and say a word.

Or it may just probably be a unique way of my brain to be stubborn and do a hard shut down. My body parts would be the group of friends who agreed with it and did the same thing. I, on the other hand, is the boss who was boycotted by my staff who thought they were underpaid and overworked, then left me alone, unable to function.

A blackout is like a restart button.

But I certainly hope this is my last round of a factory setting reset.